I know there is a ceiling up there, the color, type, how it looks like, I don’t really know. Every night, I tend to fix my sight on it, singing, humming, whispering, hushing until my babies fall asleep. To turn my head to the left will give me a sharp tug to turn to the right and vice versa, the ceiling then is a safe direction for my head to avoid a possibly torn ear and prevent an ensuing battle… for mama’s gaze. It is a wonderful feeling, Sunny on my left and Alek on my right, that’s how I make them sleep at their age of 3 and 1, so satisfying, so fulfilling, the joy of simply staring there while we all lay down as they fall asleep on each of my arm. Sunny’s favorite script is, “Mama, make Sunnychang sleep please”, Alek’s habit is gleefully pulling my right ear, his smiles left lingering as he drifts off. I would have to let go of my right arm after that and turn to Sunny, envelope her in both my arms, then the day’s noise come to a still with delightful snoring. What sweetness, these two bliss.
(April 2006)